why we must enjoy the now, no matter how hard it is.

I can only barely begin to even state how horrendous of a year 2020 has been for 99% of the world. 
It has been heavy, cold, isolating, mean, relentless in tragedy.
In this year alone I know at least 5 people who have lost loved ones - close loved ones; mothers, siblings, babies, fur babies.
It has felt so harsh. Like that bully at school that just doesn't care how everyone else feels.

I was introduced to grief at a young age. My uncle passed away when I was twelve in a sudden car crash while driving home from work, leaving my five sister-cousins and my mother-aunt behind. It felt like the world fell and smashed against the ground. No one could make sense of it, especially me.
Then at 22 years old we lost our baby in China when we barely realized how excited we were to be parents. In a foreign Chinese bathroom I saw the life pass from my body.

I believe grief is a process we must all learn. While some people think grief is natural like walking or talking, to me it is something we have to develop and get better at. 
In the getting better at it, I think there is a realization that every moment is precious. Magical. Worth encapsulating. Unique. Momentous and dear.
Even the shitty things. The bad days.
The fights with husbands. The sleepless nights with the newborn. The disagreements with loved ones about politics. The stupid family dinners that no one wants to go to. The thoughtless actions of others toward us. The hurtful comments or remarks people make without hesitation.

I know not everything in life is peaches and cream, in fact SO MUCH OF IT IS HARD. 
There are moments we want to skip, or rush through. There are people we just can't stand no matter how hard we try. There are ideologies and thought patterns we don't agree with and anyone who associates with them we feel we must keep at an arms distance.
But can I just say -
we were all carefully crafted with a purpose. Each of us matters.
We are all needy for love, affection, hugs, kisses.

There is no moment like right now. This is the last time right now will happen. 
It is fleeting, woap, there it went, it's gone.

No matter how frustrating this year has been or how shitty a moment feels - absorb it. Hug the hell out of it. 
The people that drive you crazy, the people that you want to run away from, the people that really "don't get it" they're not going to be here forever. In fact, they might be gone tomorrow. 

So don't let the petty instances of annoyance and frustration rob you of seeing how beautifully human we are.
People may not deserve your love, but they sure as hell need it. Trust me. We all need it.

It is a season for grace. For starting fresh. Letting go and saying "I forgive you" again and again.
Because if grief has taught me anything it's that not appreciating right now is the most foolish thing a person could do.